But really you look fine.

Dear Best Friend,

You are so right. I abandoned you in your time of need, after you were so wonderful to me in finding a career.

So, in an attempt to make up for it, I have a variety of eyebrow styles available for you to peruse. Now you can choose the one that is right for you and groom accordingly!

First, a look to prepare you for the red carpet. I chose this because of your background in television fame at Kearney High School. I call it "The Bratz Doll"


Next, may I present to you "The Wooly Willy." This eyebrow set is most complete with a mustache, but I think you can pull it off. It's named after that magnetic drawing toy that they had when we were kids. Remember? The one where you could give facial hair to the bald man using a magnet pen? That was a good time.



If you're looking for more respect at work, then this next eyebrow set is for you. Check out "The Silver Fox." No one would dare question you about your Corporate Challenge planning techniques when you have eyebrows like these.


If you're looking for a lower grooming and maintenance plan, allow me to introduce you to the "Paint By Number" look. In this look, you simply remove that pesky hair and use provided stencils to perfect your brows! And, by what I see here, there's a whole makeup kit!


Of course, the least maintenance at all title belongs to "Au Naturale." This is for the full flavor lady who wants to just be herself.



And finally, for a surprising look that will definitely stand out in the crowd, try "Naked Face." Hair is for people who aren't pretty enough without it.



So there. I've helped you with your eyebrow crisis. Please be my friend again. And help me with my need for adventure.

Love,
Riss

And now, a word from our sponsors.

Gather ‘round and don’t be late
To hear all about Riss & Cate
Their story is quite first rate.

Two young women who are very pretty
College made them smart and witty
But they've moved back home to Kansas City

Each to the friendship brings her own skills
Cate saves her money to pay the bills
And Riss bakes cookies to give men thrills

Cate is married so her life is tame
Riss is single and has more than one flame
Both wonder if they're destined for fame

“We do what we want” you hear them cry
They love Kate Walsh and Lorelai
To have fun all they do is try

Even though they're now adults
They aren't crazy or in any cults
So don't try out any old lady insults

So what if they prefer staying in to going out?
Or they prefer milk and cookies to vodka and stout?
They can have a night in and smile, not pout.

They like to watch Walker, Rectangle Ranger
Rather than get in trouble with strangers
They remember the baby from the manger

They may have seemed like losers in their earlier years
They’ve been mocked by others and felt the sneers
In wittiness and charm they’ve now surpassed their peers

All dorkiness they learned how to reverse
They're snarky and funny and sometimes curse
Always with great outfits and a matching purse

Wherever they go they’re sure to be seen
They’re liked so much because they’re rarely mean
Others around them with envy are green

They both like shopping for clothes and shoes
They listen to good bands like Brand New and Muse
They both are Christians and not Jews

They’re known to woo waiters wherever they go
They try to avoid sledding in the snow
To peanut butter M&Ms they never say “no”

They like watching football on the couch
The Chiefs sometimes cause them to be a grouch
But for Tony G they'll always vouch

Talk to the hand

Dear Riss,

What makes you think I am going to help you come up with a new life adventure after you IGNORED my cry for help during the great eyebrow crisis of 2009?

Love,
Cate