Dear Cate,
Thank you so much for such wonderful encouragement and suggestions of possible new careers. I certainly will take each one into consideration.
Unemployment is actually kind of fun. I have more time to learn about fashion via my new favorite show, "What Not To Wear." I now know that an empire waist top or dress highlights the smallest part of your body while creating a longer leg line. It minimizes the belly because the fabric moves away from the body. I'm unstoppable now.
Sure, I've gotten so bored that I've resorted to spending at least 4 hours straight on this game and am checking my facebook 4-600 times a day, but that's fine. Really. Careers are just for people who can't think of anything better to do. As for me, I'm really enjoying the extra quality time I've gotten to spend with my couch. I've named him Samson the Sectional Sofa.
Also, those ladies on The View are a delight! They're all so sassy and have such interesting perspectives on current events. Ah, daytime television. It's like a hidden treasure amidst the airwaves.
So, don't worry about me. You may get to go to work every day and receive a paycheck, but I'm going to be current on every story in the Onion and will be able to quote every youtube video verbatim on command. Now you tell me who's the real loser here.
Love,
Riss
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Please listen to "Still Fly" by Big Tymers
Dear Riss,
Don't worry about getting laid off, I've already picked out a few new career options for you.
1. Conservation Scientist:
Once called simply "forest rangers," these environmental jobs are among the nation's fastest growing because, as we discover, there's more to protecting our national wild lands than preventing forest fires. I immediately thought of you for this job because you always have loved camping and the outdoors and hate fire.
2. Cowpuncher:
You can herd, castrate and brand cattle. Then, when you get bored castrating cattle, you can repair fences, watering troughs and do other maintenance work on the ranch. You're such a natural with large farm animals, plus I think you'd look good in chaps.
3. Slubberdoffer:
These are people in the textile industry who remove bobbins on a slubbing machine. I knew you'd like this because you'll get to be around lots of white ribbon.
4. Navy Seal:
The United States Navy Sea, Air and Land Forces, commonly known as the Navy SEALs, are the Special Operations Forces of the United States Navy, employed in direct action and special reconnaissance operations. SEALs are also capable of employing unconventional warfare, foreign internal defense, and counter-terrorism missions. I picked this job because you like to say "WOOT".
5. Barista:
A little less exciting than a Navy Seal maybe, but barista is the name applied to a person, usually a coffeehouse employee, who prepares and serves espresso-based coffee drinks. At the least, this could be a fun pastime while you perfect your "caffeine through IV" invention.
6. Clergy:
Clergy is the term used to describe the formal religious leadership within a given religion. Depending on the religion, clergy usually take care of the ritual aspects of the religious life, teach or otherwise help in spreading the religion's doctrine and practices. Since you've worked at Lutheran Valley Retreat- you're practically already clergy.
7. Satirical Greeting Card Writer:
Satirical greeting card writers are a special breed of author in the publishing industry. This profession requires keeping a close eye on the pulse of society through an understanding of current social themes and evolving trends. A successful writer is able to "get into the head" of people and convey feelings of mockery, insincerity, and disdain across every age group and gender. Since you do this already, there will hardly need to be any on the job training.
8. Hazwoper:
Hazwoper is an acronym for Hazardous Waste Operations and Emergency Response. Even a small spill can be dangerous. Fires, explosions, and contamination can result. Not only can you get certified online in only 40 hours, but this might help you face your fear of fire.
9. Phone psychic:
Psychics claim the ability to perceive information hidden from the normal scenes through what is described as extrasensory perception. The term psychic is also used to refer to theatrical performers who use techniques such as prestidigitation and cold reading to produce the appearance of such abilities. You love wearing gypsy type clothing don't you? And you're great at making stuff up.
10. Grammar Police:
The Grammer Police are people who believes proper grammar (and spelling) should be used by everyone whenever possible. They advocate linguistic clarity, will correct bad grammar and spelling, and flame the use of ridiculous, Chav, MSN inspired abbreviations such as 'wuu2'.They are not opponents of free speech, or 1337. They merely wish that the fundamentals of English are withheld. Marissa, I KNOW you would be accepted onto the squad and probably promoted to Chief within 2 months.
Love,
Cate
Don't worry about getting laid off, I've already picked out a few new career options for you.
1. Conservation Scientist:
Once called simply "forest rangers," these environmental jobs are among the nation's fastest growing because, as we discover, there's more to protecting our national wild lands than preventing forest fires. I immediately thought of you for this job because you always have loved camping and the outdoors and hate fire.
2. Cowpuncher:You can herd, castrate and brand cattle. Then, when you get bored castrating cattle, you can repair fences, watering troughs and do other maintenance work on the ranch. You're such a natural with large farm animals, plus I think you'd look good in chaps.
3. Slubberdoffer:These are people in the textile industry who remove bobbins on a slubbing machine. I knew you'd like this because you'll get to be around lots of white ribbon.
4. Navy Seal:The United States Navy Sea, Air and Land Forces, commonly known as the Navy SEALs, are the Special Operations Forces of the United States Navy, employed in direct action and special reconnaissance operations. SEALs are also capable of employing unconventional warfare, foreign internal defense, and counter-terrorism missions. I picked this job because you like to say "WOOT".
5. Barista:A little less exciting than a Navy Seal maybe, but barista is the name applied to a person, usually a coffeehouse employee, who prepares and serves espresso-based coffee drinks. At the least, this could be a fun pastime while you perfect your "caffeine through IV" invention.
6. Clergy:Clergy is the term used to describe the formal religious leadership within a given religion. Depending on the religion, clergy usually take care of the ritual aspects of the religious life, teach or otherwise help in spreading the religion's doctrine and practices. Since you've worked at Lutheran Valley Retreat- you're practically already clergy.
7. Satirical Greeting Card Writer:Satirical greeting card writers are a special breed of author in the publishing industry. This profession requires keeping a close eye on the pulse of society through an understanding of current social themes and evolving trends. A successful writer is able to "get into the head" of people and convey feelings of mockery, insincerity, and disdain across every age group and gender. Since you do this already, there will hardly need to be any on the job training.
8. Hazwoper:Hazwoper is an acronym for Hazardous Waste Operations and Emergency Response. Even a small spill can be dangerous. Fires, explosions, and contamination can result. Not only can you get certified online in only 40 hours, but this might help you face your fear of fire.
9. Phone psychic:Psychics claim the ability to perceive information hidden from the normal scenes through what is described as extrasensory perception. The term psychic is also used to refer to theatrical performers who use techniques such as prestidigitation and cold reading to produce the appearance of such abilities. You love wearing gypsy type clothing don't you? And you're great at making stuff up.
10. Grammar Police:The Grammer Police are people who believes proper grammar (and spelling) should be used by everyone whenever possible. They advocate linguistic clarity, will correct bad grammar and spelling, and flame the use of ridiculous, Chav, MSN inspired abbreviations such as 'wuu2'.They are not opponents of free speech, or 1337. They merely wish that the fundamentals of English are withheld. Marissa, I KNOW you would be accepted onto the squad and probably promoted to Chief within 2 months.
Love,
Cate
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